Signs, Bad PR and Jim Harbaugh: Why Everyone Loves to Hate Michigan Football

(*Editor’s note: This is a Michigan football opinion column that reflects only the views of its author.)

It has to be fun to hate Michigan football.

Seriously, I can’t think of a school – not even ‘Bama – more hated than the Wolverines. They’re the villains who believe they’re heroes; narcissists, pompous jabronis who think they’re better than you simply because they (maybe) went there.

Still, to those who support them, they are quite literally conqu’ring heroes.

*sing the song*

What better program to throw tomatoes at after they’re exposed than Michigan football?

Jim Harbaugh does not handle media to the degree a Power Five coach should. He also doesn’t keep his mouth shut about controversial topics. The worst part is how diverse these topics are. One second, Harbaugh is drawing cheers from all of us for demanding the players be paid and a percentage of the massive $8 billion Big Ten TV deal be dispersed among the student-athletes within the conference. And the next second, he’s dividing his following in half by showing up at a Pro-Life rally.

No matter how you feel about Jim’bo, we’ve all strongly agreed and disagreed with him before. In fact, many of you reading this wanted to run him out of town a short time ago. Then the 2021 season happened, and the prodigal son was reborn.

Still, he’s interviewed and showed interest in multiple NFL jobs — of which the timing was completely overblown by national media. And his relentless drive to speak out for reform within college football ruffled the NCAA’s feathers for years. Thus, whenever the NCAA contacts Schembechler Hall, their motives are in question. While some will tell you he’s completely innocent, I’m completely speculating that he didn’t handle those conversations with the ultimate class.

Jim Harbaugh Can’t Talk About Michigan Football Sign Stealing Scandal

So, the real question is: What the hell is Jim Harbaugh thinking right now?

Ah, wouldn’t it be nice to know from the guy who, for better or worse, has always said exactly what’s on his mind? I mean, hey, sometimes it’s alphabet soup, though I’m not sure he’d admit that. Regardless, you know you’re at a Harbaugh presser when a reporter asks about the linebackers, and after five minutes, you’re hearing about a walk-on long snapper who had a great week of practice. He truly guides his ship and beats his drum.

Ask any sideline reporter whose boss told them, “You have a Jim Harbaugh interview after the game,” and after one question, she ends up with Junior Colson. Or, ask any college football coach who makes time to do those every game while Harbaugh simply refuses.

There’s also the story of how, early in his tenure at U-M, he refused to have his press conferences at a much more convenient setting (Crisler Center, which has a massive press room). Instead, he switched it to Schembechler Hall, where the building staff dedicated the corner of the museum as a make-shift media setting in 2016. Why? Because it was where the team practices. I’m not sure I disagree with him, but it’s objectively hilarious.

Point is: Jim Harbaugh has strongly divided rooms over the years. Obviously, he had a weird exit from the NFL and didn’t get along well with the 49ers administration. Things seem to be going quite well there for Kyle Shanahan. And while his win total skyrocketed at Michigan recently, his reputation outside of Ann Arbor is still very suspect — and some of it, maybe, for good reason.

The unfortunate reality for the haters is his Michigan teams and staff seemingly adore him, and after two wins over Ohio State, so does the rejuvenated fan base. Conflicted and left without much reliable information, we’re all left wondering: What exactly is going to happen with the Michigan sign-stealing scandal?

The PR Team Has A Better Offense Than Ryan Day

It should serve as no surprise that there’s been an all-out media thrashing of a coach like Harbaugh.

Not only did he not work with the media outside of his minimum requirements, but until the winning started, he handled those less than adequately for a Power Five coach. Reporters are often stupid. I get it. Still, until recently, you got almost nothing out of him ever.

Do you know who did an in-person exclusive with The Athletic after a bad season? Ryan Day.

Why? Because it made him look good! Duh! Everything is fake and stupid in this game, but By ‘Gawd, can we please just shut up and play the game?

The reality is that Michigan’s off-field rivals are much better at playing ball than its on-field rivals.

When these are the most recent events leading up to a sign-stealing scandal:

• Went after the NCAA numerous times publicly
• Nearly committed an NCAA Level I violation (Failure to cooperate with an investigation)
• Is still under said investigation for the cheeseburger dinner and COVID practices
• Served a self-imposed 3-game suspension
• Fired an offensive coordinator who’s under investigation for computer crimes

… that story is both easy for national writers to write and herd a cattle of followers egging it on.

Why? Because it’s fun to hate Michigan.

Can or Will the NCAA Save Michigan?

If it’s easy to hate Michigan football and even easier to hate its head coach, then you have to at least be in good favor with the governing bodies.

When your program and its leader are viewed poorly by the national media and the NCAA/Big Ten, you have a slim chance of surviving whatever might come.

NOT SO FAST, BROTHER

One thing in this messy business solves everything: Revenue.

And, tell me, friends, how does a college football program produce revenue?

Winning, you dweebs.

And what do these governing bodies value most?

CASH MONEY, BABY

Of course, it’s not that simple. After years of Michigan football being the Good Guys and fans being on the outside looking into every other NCAA investigation, it’s look in the mirror time, folks.

Michigan absolutely stole signs. In fact, they did it better than any other team in this conference could for two years. Because, mind you, while BuckNutLoverForLife1973 will tell you otherwise, every team does it. But you knew that. I knew that. B1G_Ryan knew that. Everyone knew that.

So now’s the part where we discuss the strategically slow leak of The Chronicles of The Michigan Marine Manifesto and why all these people coincidentally hating Michigan at the same time is potentially horrific for business (which is still boomin’, btw).

When the media isn’t a fan of you, your reputation will likely deep-fry in texture, but you’ll be cooked longer than a 10-pound brisket.

So the daily rollouts of Pete Thamel, Ross Dellenger, and whichever C-List ESPN writer they task with bashing Michigan football today aren’t surprising. The story it tells is there are people behind the scenes who don’t believe Michigan will be properly punished unless they go to great lengths to pressure the NCAA and/or Big Ten’s hand.

That’s how much it means to them. And the common rebuttal is, “Well, they committed the biggest scandal in the history of college football!”

Michigan’s perceived violation here is a sportsmanship rule. However, as the NCAA defines it in its bylaws, it is most comparable to a Level III NCAA violation (Breach of Conduct). As far as we know, Michigan stole signs during games (legal), and one of its staffers bought tickets across the country, allegedly sending an army of spies to film opposing sidelines with an iPhone (illegal).

Side note: Is there a business opportunity in creating an iPhone aftermarket mod specified for long-distance spying? Not sure about you, but sounds like a surefire B2B product; you can sell it to PIs across the country — including the one Ohio State used to investigate Michigan, allegedly.

Where things get interesting is that the NCAA has continued to lower its judgment of how serious sign-stealing and in-person scouting matter to the competitive advantage of the game. So, while Michigan State’s actual human Athletic Director will tell you that Michigan State was in danger when it played U-M this season, we all know he is simply playing the game.

None of us can answer this: What exactly did Michigan do wrong?

We know they stole signs, but we don’t know is whether or not Conor Stalions acted alone.

Yes, to everyone posting videos of Harbaugh acknowledging Stalions’ existence, they clearly knew each other. It’s not an NCAA violation to dap up your bro after a win. But did Stalions go fully rogue and rip a page from The Manifesto in an effort to prove to his bosses he should be at Michigan forever?

What Happens Next

Honestly, The Manifesto might be the NCAA’s final Horcrux. It very well could prove that Stalions acted alone in methods. Because, remember, the crime is not the stolen signs but rather the process.

But someone had to know, right? Depends on the validity of the proof. If the private investigator’s presented case, packed with the info we know so far, didn’t prove other coaches knew, then there’s reason to believe this isn’t a foregone conclusion.

The most impactful decision will likely be the initial reaction of the NCAA/Big Ten, which so far has been nothing. However, with so much heat, the Big Ten Commissioner Tony Pettiti is in Ann Arbor after having a private meeting with every Big Ten coach and AD. If he chooses to act, it will get ugly fast, as there’s no concrete evidence that Michigan football violated a rule. There are still too many things that need to be proven. Yes, video footage of someone recording is going to take more vetting than pointing a finger like Leonardo in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood and calling it wraps.

Once action is taken, the level of violations will ultimately determine Michigan’s fate. As it stands, their actions of in-person scouting are defined as a “minimal competitive advantage” Level III NCAA violation. For context, Tennessee committed 18 Level I violations with more than 200 infractions and walked away without a bowl ban, and damn near made the Playoff a year later.

Stop being lawyers. Stop looking at documents. Stop wasting time at your day job.

Go outside. I don’t know. Do something else besides this, though.

Until the NCAA begins its investigation or the conference acts on it, this is nothing but content for big networks and publishers.

For you, it’s nothing but stress.

Lucky for all of us, a certain 8-0 football team with the Heisman favorite at QB is in action tomorrow night.

Cheers.

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